Sex... love... uh oh's
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Friday, September 24, 2004
Friday
First I want to thank all of you for your advice. It's definitely given me a lot to think about. I told Mama's Boy a couple days ago that I would never be with him again. He wanted to know why I wouldn't at least give him a shot, and swears that he's changed. After I told him no several times, he finally said that he didn't believe it was because I didn't want to be with him, but it was just that I don't want to give up the single life. Which is kind of true, well part of it... I really don't want to be with him, but at the same time it is really difficult giving up the single life. There was a long time there, especially when I was with Mama's Boy that I needed someone, I was very co-dependant. Now I'm the complete opposite. I feel like someone else just gets in my way. I was 22 when Mama's Boy and I broke up after 2 years of being together, he found a 17 year old girlfriend the following week, my parents got divorced at the same time, I had a lot of health problems, I hated my job, had a piece of sh!t car, and I was living with my chain-smoking, depressed, dad and sister in a 2 bedroom apartment. Needless to say I was a mental disaster, and on anti-depressants. The one thing I needed was Mama's Boy to come back and help me through all of this, instead he would call me and tell me all about his new teenage girlfriend. That's when I said ok, time for me to get away from all of this and take care of me. That's when I picked up and moved myself to California... alone. I've built myself back up, and am more independent and now than I've ever been. But, the way I was raised, there's a timeline, and I'm running behind. I'm under a lot of pressure to have a career, buy a house, be married, have a family... so my mind is telling me, ok, which one of these guys can you marry so you can get back on the timeline? But my heart is saying, ummm yeah, it's not time for you to get married, or have a family, you're 24! This is fun time! Jesus, my older sister already has my wedding planned! She told me last weekend "all I need is the groom's name, and you're set!" She was joking of course, but all my family & friends love to drop those little hints. I'm not going to worry about tomorrow though, I'm going to live for today and just take each day as it comes. I'm having fun, and am perfectly content with the way things are right now.Sorry for the therapy session, I hope this is the end of it. This is not the purpose of this blog. Anyway... I'm not doing sh!t this weekend, I'm sleeping and watching movies. Patterson will be in the bay area for the weekend, so I'm going to enjoy the peace and quiet. I still have to think of an excuse to give to First. It shouldn't be hard.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Another Day...
Can I BE any more confused??? This guy situation is killin me. Really. Ok... Mama's Boy, forget about it. No way. Cop, he's married, but even if it wasn't... no way, never never never. First, he's married, and even though I would honestly love to hook up with him... I can't. I'm going to make some excuse to why I can't see him on Saturday to avoid the situation altogether. So he's out. Fireman, divorced, lives back home (1300 miles away), and even though he's absolutely gorgeous, AND a fireman... I just can't do it. Besides the distance thing, he just drinks way too much. Nobody ever takes him seriously. So he's out. FBI, divorced and very bitter on relationships. He's absolutely my dream guy though. He called me today at work to say hi, and see how my trip back home went. I told him all about it, and he asked me if Fireman hit on me. I told him yes and that I told him to go to bed. He laughed. I just wish he didn't have this bitterness about relationships. So, unfortunately, he's out. Army, single, never been married, in Iraq... and is stationed out of Germany. I would love for something to happen with him, but geographically speaking... it just can't work. He wants to be career army, and I don't think I can drop everything to be an army wife. So he's out. Then there's Patterson, there are so many good things about him, and at the same time so many things that make me want to choke him. He's honest, loyal, thoughtful, caring, understanding, patient, generous, and great in bed... which are all very important, and hard to find qualities. However, he nags, doesnt like sports, has NO interest in current events or anything that goes on in the world, has bad table manners, complains about his food every single time we go out to eat, always laughs loudly at the most serious parts of movies, needs attention all the time, and I'm not very physically attracted to him... I'm going to stop there. Are these things that I should overlook because he has all the other good qualities??? Am I settling for less than I deserve??? I know I'm never going to find someone that's perfect, but I want someone that's perfect for me. Is he it??? How do I know???Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Game
Here's a game from esox:Who's better for you. If you had to kill one, marry one and just have sex with one, which would they be? The choices are :Patterson, FBI, Fireman.
I would marry FBI, have sex with Fireman, and kill Patterson.
Question two. Who would you rather be with, Fireman or FBI? the winner of those two vs. cop. What do ya got?
I would rather be with FBI.
FBI vs. Cop? Definitely FBI!
There's more...but let's just concentrate on that for now.
Sweet! This is interesting ; ) Thanks!
I saw that coming from a mile away. I would love to be with FBI, however, he got divorced about 2 years ago, and is in no way interested in anything serious with anyone. He's very bitter on relationships right now. He actually said one time "It took me 8 years to propose the first time, I won't do it again for at least another 40." He's very career oriented, and not really interested in anything other than casual dating/sex. Which is fine with me ; )
Update
Ok, per esox luscious's request, I'm re-posting a guide to the people I talk about in this thing. So esox... here ya go ; )Patterson: my kind of... boyfriend??? He's 26, very good looking, fresh out of the army, and treats me like a Queen. However, there are some things about us that just don't click. He doesn't like football, he loves to talk when I'm trying to sleep, and can be way too affectionate at times. Basically... I feel like the man in the relationship. But the sex is grrrrrrreat!
FBI: He's 33, has been in the FBI for like 6 years, and HOT HOT HOT! I've known him since I was born because he's been a friend of the family since he was like 10. I started sleeping with him a year and a half ago on my 23rd birthday. Being that he's two of my brothers' best friend they weren't entirely happy about it at first, but they got over it. The sex really isn't good, but the fact that he is in the FBI makes up for it.
Fireman: He's also 33, a Fireman, and HOT as fire! ; ) No, really, he's gorgeous! He's also my brother's (as well as FBI's) best friend. The thing is, I slept with him like two or three times three years ago. He and his wife were on again, off again, so they were on again for the last time when I moved away. When I was back in town the last time he tried to get some, even though I REALLY wanted to, I think I'll stick to FBI for those benefits.
Cop: He's 26, met him in High School, and was my best friend for 8 years. He and his wife separated and we became roommates, which quickly led to the demise of our friendship. When he and his wife got back together, she did her best to get between us, and she did. We had a huge blow out and were never going to talk again, then he called one day out of the blue apologizing and saying how much he loves and misses me. I'm not ready to forgive him completely, but I'm open minded about it.
First: He's 24, and my very first boyfriend ever. We met in elementary school and he was my 5th grade "boyfriend", whatever that means. I went to a different middle school, then we went to the same HS. We were acquaintances in HS, then the summer after our Senior year we were at a party and had sex. Come to find out, 6 years later, that it was his first time. We e-mail and flirt every day, and he's coming to visit this weekend.
Mama's Boy: He's 24, and my ex that I was with for 2 years. When we broke up he got with this 17 year old girl, and was with her on and off for the next 2 years. Every time they break up he calls me telling me how much he loves me, and he only got with her to fill the void that I left. We live 1300 miles apart and he's constantly asking me to give us another chance. Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Army: He's 23, in the army stationed in Samarra, Iraq right now. I love this guy to death. He is the most loyal friend I could possibly ask for. There's nothing I wouldn't do for him, or that he wouldn't do for me. I would love the chance to have something more with him, but realistically, it just won't happen. He's the only guy in this list I haven't had sex with.
I think those are all the main ones for now, I'll add to it if I remember any more.