Sex... love... uh oh's

One more thing...

Cop just called... not really for any reason, just because. He asked when I'm going to be back from my trip so he can bring his gun back to me. The gesture isn't just about the gun, it's about him showing me that he does care, and is concerned with my safety. It meant a lot. Him taking the gun away after our fight is what hurt me the most, because it felt like this guy who I have considered my best friend for the past 8 years just took away the one thing that made me feel safe where I live, which is a neighborhood that is anything but safe. So him bringing it back is a pretty big deal, to me anyway, and he knows it.

posted by EIizabeth @ 3:02 PM 2 Comments

Going Home

I'm all packed and ready for my trip back home today. I'm excited, and nervous, but I know it will be fun. Patterson got up this morning and drove me to work so he could pick me up after work and take me straight to the airport. He's can be so awesome. There are things about him that definitely get under my skin, but you're gonna find that in every single person on the planet. So I do my best to ignore them, and look at all the good things about him. But sometimes it's hard to do. Last night, it was so funny, I got home and we just kinda laid around for a while then I made pork chops for dinner and after dinner I started reading my book on the couch. I was really tired, so I fell asleep and he woke me me up and told me to go pack so I can get it over with and we can watch a movie together or something. Ok, first of all, I'll be the first one to admit that I am a pain in the ass. I am, really. I absolutely do NOT like being nagged, or told what to do. I am really not an very easy person to be in a relationship with, but if you can put up with my attitude, the benefits, I think, are pretty damn good. So anyway, I got irritated with him because he kept bugging me to pack and all I wanted to do was sleep. So i finally got up and went in my room, so he thought I was packing, and I laid on my bed and fell back asleep. He comes in like 10 minutes later and was like "Hey! You're supposed to be packing. C'mon, get up! Just get it done. Hurry. C'mon." I was so freakin irritated by this point I got up all pissed off and was like "Jesus Christ! You can nag the fuckin paint off the wall!" So I got my suitcase and started throwing stuff in there. He was just standing there watching me, which for some reason was bugging me even more. I turned on the TV to watch Reno 911 while I was packing and he laid on the bed to watch it too, so every time I stop for a second to watch the show he'd go "babe, keep going. You're almost done. C'mon, just hurry and finish." UGHHHHHH!!!!! So I finally finished, turned the lights and TV off and go to get in bed and he goes "No, you're not laying down till your done. Go take your shower, then you can lay down." Are you fuckin kidding me??? I'm not 5 years old!!! I told him I am going to take a shower in the morning, and to scoot over. So I'm laying there all irritated, and I couldn't relax. Guess what my favorite stress reliever is! Yup, you got it. So I turned over and put his hand between my legs. He's like "I thought you were pissed at me." I told him "I am, so don't talk." So, after about an hour of "not talking" ; ) I was calm, and relaxed and slept like a baby. Well, I guess that's it for now. I'll be back on Tuesday. Have a good weekend!

posted by EIizabeth @ 1:50 PM 0 Comments

In shock

Ok, guess who just called me! Go ahead take a guess... 3... 2... 1... BZZZZZ! Cop! We haven't spoke once since the day we got in our huge fight and he came to get his stuff. Then he calls out of the blue today and made me cry, the bastard. I answered and he goes "I miss you and I love you, and if anything ever happened to you I'd never forgive myself. I'm sorry... for everything." then he was hella sniffling... he was crying! My first thought was that he left his wife and needed somewhere to go. He said everything with her is fine, they're doing good, but he had a dream about me last night and realized he fucked up. When I realized it was sincere, and he didn't need or want anything from me I totally cried. I'm still waiting towake up from this dream, I NEVER EVER EVER thought this would happen. Wow.

posted by EIizabeth @ 4:43 PM 7 Comments

Signs

Well, I got my Jenna Jameson book. I'm so excited! I read the first few pages this morning when my boss wasn't looking and I can't wait to read more. I love good auto-biographies. Especially about people that go through some horrible sh!t to get to wear they are, stuff that most people can't even imagine, and then tell about it from their mansion in Beverly Hills, or in Jenna Jameson's case, Scottsdale, Arizona. Anyway... yesterday I got home after work, and Patterson was asleep in the living room. It was hot as hell, so I took my shirt off and laid down next to him in my skirt and bra. He woke up and gave me a back massage then we got up to go to the mall. We walked around for a while then went to Border's to get my book, got some take-out chinese food and went home to watch Scarface. After the movie, I took a shower then got in bed. I was so tired, and knew I needed sleep but once I was lying next to him I had one thing on my mind. He knew I was tired, and wasn't expecting anything so when I reached under the covers and started stroking his man downstairs he was surprised to say the least. Unfortunately, that time of the month is just around the corner so when we were really getting into it, the sex triggered my cramps to start (why? I have no idea) so it wasn't so enjoyable anymore. We finished in the 69, then took a quick shower together. We're lying in bed and (like every night) he goes "I've got a question for you." Here we go again! "If you were with someone for a long time, and they wanted to try something new sexually, would you do it?" I told him it depends what the new thing is. He says "well, for example... if he wanted you to be with another girl." I was like, "If she's hot, and I'm drunk... probably." I have a strong feeling he's hinting at anal sex, but he needs to buck up and ask if that's what he means. I've had two bad experiences with it, so I'm definitely not in any hurry to try it again... but I wouldn't rule it out completely. Anyway, so I ask him if this is just hypothetical or if he's asking me to do a chick. He goes "No, i'm not asking you to be with a girl. I'm just wondering how open minded you are." Then he goes "I would do anything you asked me too. Well as long as it doesn't involve another dick." I was like "Ok, that's good to know" gave him a kiss, and went to sleep. So this morning the alarm wakes me up, I turn it off, then roll onto my back and before I even had both eyes open Patterson was on top, and inside of me. I was so tired, but just let him do his thing for a little bit until he made my damn cramps come back again, which kind of put me in a bad mood. He rolled over for me to get on top, but I told him I couldn't do it. Then he asked me to take a shower with him. Which, of course, meant he just wanted to get some. I told him about my cramps so he backed off. So, Mama's Boy has been calling and IMing me online being really nice lately, which is totally out of character for him. He keeps asking when I'm going to see him since I'm going back home tomorrow. Before Patterson came along, I told Mama's Boy I would just use him for sex. haha! He was like "That's fine with me!" I was really wondering for the past week or so how I'm going to handle this, if I see him... the temptation would be too much. If I tell him I can't see him, he'll stop by anyway. So... now that my monthly bill will be here during my trip I don't have to worry about it anymore. It's definitely a sign. Sign # 2... First is coming to the bay area to visit his brother next week, so he was going to drive up to Sacramento to see me on Thursday night and spend the night with me. I've been stressing out about that one too... I want to see him SO bad, just because he's a great, great guy who I've known since I was 10 and I haven't seen him in 6 years, so I don't want to tell him not to come up here. However, I know we'd have sex, and I really don't want to fuck up what I have with Patterson. SO... Benz called and asked if he could stay with me the night that First is supposed to come because he's going to be working in town for a couple days. I told him of course. Then Patterson said he'd like to pick me up from the airport on Monday, and stay with me until the weekend, then he would take me to his Aunt's house on Saturday. Well, with Patterson and Benz staying with me... it looks like I have no other choice than to tell First plans have changed and he can't come. Now, if those aren't signs that I'm supposed to be committed to my relationship with Patterson, I don't know what are.

posted by EIizabeth @ 9:18 AM 2 Comments

No pressure

First I want to thank M.N. and Pegah for reassuring me about the big L situation. I felt really bad that I couldn't say it back, but at the same time... it's not a word I'll ever throw around or say if I don't mean it. Anyway, thanks guys, you made me feel much better. So, yesterday sucked. The day was unbelievably long, and I was unbelievably cranky. Patterson came to have lunch with me and I just mostly sat with my head in my hands wanting to sleep. I got home after work yesterday and he rubbed my back until I fell asleep, while I was sleeping he made dinner and had it ready for me when I woke up. Am I spoiled or what??? Then I watched the Carolina/Green Bay game... the Panthers lost and Steve Smith broke his god damn leg! There went the season. It was a sad, sad night for Panthers fans. I'm a huge sports fan, especially football and basketball... however, Patterson is not. (That's some crazy role reversal isn't it?) So he played video games while I watched the game and every time I would yell at the TV he would say something like "Maybe you should watch something else." or "If it's going to piss you off, you should change it." I told him I would have to teach him about football so he could start watching it with me. Why did that make me feel like the man in the relationship? So after that, we watched When a Man Loves a Woman, so I could get my estrogen flowing again.
Then Patterson went to take a shower so I put on my Seduction Part 2 cd and got in with him. We had sex in the shower until the water got cold, then he went to bed and I read the post game stuff online. I went to bed shortly after that then woke up at about 2am just craving sex again. He was asleep and spooning me from behind, so I just started moving his hand all over my body and he woke up and started doing it on his own. We had sex for like an hour, then he asked me if I would swallow, I said yeah, and did. God, I hate it, but I'll do it because I know he loves it. We finished up and I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't. I got up to watch TV but he made me come back to bed and said he would rub my back until I fell asleep. The thought was there, but he fell asleep like 2 minutes into it so I snuck away to watch TV. I finally fell asleep at like 4:30, then of course... woke up at 8am, which is when I'm supposed to be at work. Needless to say it was a rough morning. Tonight we're going to go to the mall so I can buy the new Jenna Jameson book to read on the plane ride home on Thursday. Well, I better get some work done. See ya!

posted by EIizabeth @ 2:48 PM 0 Comments

Poll Results

I just thought these results were interesting enough to post...

Who's responsibility is it to stop an affair from happening?

1. The adulteror got 13 votes and scored the highest with 87%
2. The spouse got 2 votes and came in 2nd with 13%
3. The mistress got 0 votes

posted by EIizabeth @ 3:43 PM 0 Comments

Love?!?!

Patterson came back up yesterday morning and is going to stay with me for a few days until I leave for my trip back home. Yesterday he got to my apartment just as I was getting out of the shower, we had sex on my recliner, on the floor, on the bed, on the bathroom counter. It was fun! = ) Then we were both hungry so we went to the Hard Rock Cafe. I had a couple Long Islands with dinner so I was feeling pretty damn good, we got home and I started drinking Cranberry & vodka, and he was drinking beer. We watched the Exorcist, and by the time the movie was over I was pretty damn drunk, but he only had a couple beers so he was sober. We had sex again out in the living room, we're lying there afterwards and he says "I want to tell you how I feel about you, but I don't want to scare you away." My drunk ass was like "You won't scare me away, you can tell me anything." So he says "Well... I love you, and I've been wanting to tell you that since before I left last time." At first I was like, why is he saying that? I already give him some. There's really nothing he would get by saying it that he doesn't already get. Then I realized he was staring at me waiting for a response and I said..."have I ever told you what a great smile you have?" Well, what was I supposed to say? I'm not going to say it back if I don't mean it. Love is a huge word, the most important word I know. I'll say it when I mean it, but I'm not gonna say it just because he said it to me. So we went to sleep not long after that and now I'm at work, hungover. Speaking of which, posting takes too much thought. I'll post tomorrow when I feel a little better. See ya.

posted by EIizabeth @ 9:01 AM 0 Comments