Day 9
Buenos dias! I have no idea why I'm in such a good mood today, but I am. Maybe it's all the
soldiers from Reagan's funeral. I watched them throughout the evening last night. The 5 of them (one for each branch of the military) just stood perfectly still, in full dress uniform, guarding Reagan's casket in half hour shifts. So, you guessed it, every half hour there was the whole "changing of the guards" process. I watched it about 12 times yesterday, and let me tell you... it never got old. THEN... damn C-SPAN cut out just before another changing of the guards for some republican conference for people who worked with Reagan to talk about him. That's all well and good, but I missed 3 changing of the guards because of it. They could of at least done the picture within a picture thing where they had the soldiers in a small screen up at the top. But nooooooooo. Now, just so you don't think I'm a complete freak for watching these soldiers stand there for hours on end, I should let you know that (for the most part) I just tuned in at the :29, and :59 of every hour. Just in time to see them salute, raise their rifles, and march in and out. Needless to say I set my VCR to record all of today's events ;) Yes, I know I'm going to hell for getting such enjoyment out of the events surrounding the loss of someone's life. But you know what? I'm ok with going to hell. Everyone I know is gonna be there, why would I want to be anywhere else?
So, Cop talked to me a little last night, nothing big or important but I'll take what I can get. This morning I wished him well on his interview with LAPD tomorrow, and told him to drive safe, then he gave me a hug, but shhhhhhh don't tell his wife! (rolling my eyes). Speak of the antichrist, she called me last night (from Cop's mom's house) and was like "ummm are you mad at me?" I said "I have a lot on my mind, and really don't want to talk about any of it." She was like "I just feel really bad because we're good friends, and I want you to talk to me about whatever is going on with you." Oh for fuck's sake! Shut up you fuckin 2 faced beezy! (the word Cop and I use for bitch) I just said "I'm fine." Fuck her, I don't trust her for shit so I'm not telling her shit. Confronting her would do nothing but make the situation worse, because she would just turn around and twist my words up and make me out to be the bad guy.
I had lunch again today with Benz. He told his boyfriend about Cop and I having sex for the last time like 4-5 months ago, and his boyfriend told him to ask me if it's true what they say about black guys (Cop is half black, half italian). I told him yes, that it was more painful than anything else. Then we both started cracking up. I love hanging out with Benz, he loves to do all the stuff you do with girl-friends, but has the chill personality of a guy.
My weekend plans are still under debate. I have the apartment to myself, so there's several options there. But to tell you the truth, I don't really want to see anyone. I think I just kind of want to have a quiet weekend to myself. Sleep in, wash my car, watch movies... stuff like that. I don't know what turning 24 did to me, but I've been so much more mellow lately. 19-23 were craaaaaaaaaaaaaazy, and now I'm starting to think I'm ready to think about settling down. What the...???
Day 8
Wow, was I in a foul mood yesterday. Sorry about that. It really didn't get much better throughout the night, but I'm much better today. Mama's boy called and we got in a huge arguement because of his lying, once again. He IM's me saying that he was mad at me (ask me if I give a fuck if he's mad at me!), I was like "oh, that's nice." Blah blah blah... long story short, he said he was in Phoenix last week, which (according to him) was the weekend he was supposed to come see me. I think he was just saying this to try to make me feel bad, because it was all a lie. He never once mentioned coming to see me. However, it didn't work because I don't want him to come out here. He was saying how hurt he was that I blew him off when I went back home to visit, and how he needs to quit getting his hopes up, and not wear his heart on his sleeve. Normally I would've pissed my pants because I would've been laughing so hard, but yesterday I was in a very bad mood and he just set me off with his lying, and guilt trip bullshit. So then, when I get out of work he calls me (why did I pick up?) and starts with the lying, and guilt trips again. We got in a screaming match and I get home, still on the phone screaming at eachother, and Cop, his wife, and the little ones are all there. So i go in my room, shut the door and fight with him until I realize I'm wasting my time talking to him at all and hang up. Then Cop knocks on my door and asks if I'm ok. I say yeah. Then he goes "here, give him a kiss, it always makes me feel better." And he holds the baby up for me to kiss. Then they leave to his mom's house like a happy little family. I watched the Reagan funeral most of the evening (I know I'm going to hell for this, but watching all those men in uniform was better than porn!) They get home at like 10 and I play with the 3 year old for a little bit, then he goes to bed and Cop's wife comes to sit and watch TV with me. I turn the TV up to keep the talking to a minimum, she got bored I think and went to bed too. That was my evening. Cop and his wife are driving to LA this weekend because he has an interview with LAPD. I get the apartment to myself, yayyyyyyyy! =)
Day 7
Ok, so I go to lunch with Benz. and we're sitting there eating, talking, laughing... when this guy (who was pretty hot, I must say) comes up and says "excuse me, I'm sorry but I've been watching you from across the room and would like to ask if you would be willing to come and finish your lunch with me at my table, I would pick up the tab for both of you." I looked at Benz, then at the guy, and asked "Just me, or him too?" He said "Oh no, just you." Benz was like, "And you'll pay for my lunch too??? Take her!" I kicked him under the table, and he was like "I mean, hell no. She's with me!" as he's rubbing his leg. I told the guy "Thanks but no thanks. I came to lunch with him and that's who I'm going to stay with." So he leaves, and Benz was like "Hey, you just fucked up a free lunch for us!" I told him I'm not a lunch whore. So all afternoon he's been like, "Hey, feel like turning a trick tomorrow?" Fucker! That guy was a little too much for me, with the whole suit, and tie and attitude like Robert Redford in Indecent Proposal. Pllllllllllllease.
Cop and I still aren't really talking, 2 or 3 words here and there. Last night he didn't come home until close to 11pm, then went straight to his room to play XBOX and talk to his wife on the phone. I'm just letting him do his thing, but it doesn't mean it doesn't bother me. So today his fuckin wife IM's me acting all sweet and shit, when i KNOW she's to blame for this problem. So I'm pretty cold with her. I'm civil, but I wouldn't really call it friendly. She keeps asking what's wrong and I keep telling her I dont want to talk about it. So then she's like "well, I was going to come over tonight, but if you need space let me know and I won't come." Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight, so you can tell Cop that I told you not to come? Cause that won't make matters worse! I told her to do what she wants and left it at that.
Day 6
So, last night sucked. Cop's wife went back home, and so I was excited to be able to kick it with him and enjoy our normal friendship, but he was on the phone with her the entire night. He just acts really different now. Like... well, i'll be blunt... he's fuckin WHIPPED! She has his ass in check like no other. He used to give me a big hug goodbye every morning before I left to work, so this morning (thinking I'm going to get that big hug) I go in his room to say bye and he gives me one of those half ass, one arm hugs. Ever since she told him he's not allowed to hug me he has this guilt cloud hanging over his head. Whatever, I guess I just have to accept that this is the way things are now.
One thing happened that made my night 110% better though. I got a post card from Army. This is the first thing I've gotten from him since he's been in Iraq. It was just a "hi, i'm thinking of you" card, but it meant the world to me. =) Hopefully he gets the box I sent him soon. It should be about another week I think.
I just got back from lunch and I'm in the worst fuckin mood. I was sitting on the couch getting my mid-day dose of "COPS" when Cop walked in. He didn't say a word to me just walked straight to the kitchen, I was like oooook fine. So I stayed watching Cops till it ended and it was time for me to head back to work. The only thing that we said to eachother the entire time was, he asked me "is that you making that noise?" I said "no". Then when i left i said "later" and he said bye. What the fuck happened??? Before this fuckin bitch came back into his life we were fine. We talked and laughed all the time, everything was great. We would hang out, watch movies, go out to eat... we were BEST FRIENDS. Now that this fuckin whore is back, she pulls his strings like a god damn puppet and I lose my best friend. Whatever. Fuck him if he's going to turn into a little bitch. The funny thing is he always does this. This time feels worse I guess because we live together now, but every time they break up or get in a fight he comes straight to me to vent, talk about it, get advice, whatever he needs. And i'm always fuckin there to listen and help in any way I can. That's why he lives with me! They were living together at her parent's house and he left her and showed up on my doorstep. I took him in and supported him 100% both financially and emotionally. I never asked him for a fuckin dime for 2 months. Then we sign a lease, they get back together and now it's like I don't exist. I'm so fuckin tired of it. The other day he told me "I really want it to work out between us this time, but if it doesn't I'm just going to come to you again so you can pick up all the pieces like you always do." Well, you know what? Fuck that. I'm not going to be his fuckin best friend of convenience anymore. I'm just going to not give a fuck. I think I've officially reached my breaking point with him. On top of all of this, he always claims to be broke. The only thing he pays is rent. And I have to nag the shit out of him to make him get it in on the last day possible before it's late. I asked him for his half of the cable bill like 3 times, nothing. So I paid it. Gas and electricity? That would be me. His cell phone? Shut off. I even give him gas money when he asks for it. All the cleaning in the apartment? I do it. Cooking? Me. Maintenance calls, and follow ups? Yup, me. I want to know how the fuck he is so broke. I pay rent, cable, cell phone, utilities, a car payment, insurance, gas, my gym fee, Netflix... and still have money left over. He wants everyone to feel sorry for him because he pays a car payment, rent, and child support. Sorry, but don't hold your breath for my sympathy. If you're so broke, get a 2nd job and quit playing fuckin XBOX. It's time for him to grow up and be a man. He has a wife, and 2 kids and is being supported by 2 women, actually 3 because his mom still contributes to his sympathy fund too. I'm tired of feeling awkward in my own house because his fuckin wife is there and I have to walk on eggshells around her. Ok, I'm going to shut up now.
Day 5
Monday ughhhhhhhhhhhhh As if dragging my ass out of bed wasn't bad enough, I have to come to work only to have an e-mail arguement with a friend about why I don't want to go to her wedding and spend an entire evening stuck in the same room with Marine, and alcohol. We have a mutual friend who is getting married in July, well, she sends me an invitation AFTER Marine and I broke up. She knows the details of the break up, and sees no reason for me to not want to go. I was saying how awkward and uncomfortable it would be and she said "
It would be nice to have you there. Having you there would make a difference to me. So don't think that it won't! You missed my shower for him, and now you are going to miss my wedding, the most important day to me??? I am not saying this to make you feel guilty, but maybe it's time you moved on, and deal with it." I'm not the one that can't move on and deal with it! He is! He's the one who asked if we could be friends, and now he's acting like a little fuckin girl and won't talk to me. At first he would text message me (like we're in high school), now he won't talk at all. And I'm supposed to jump at the chance to go to a wedding where I won't know ANYONE but the bride, groom, and Marine? Riiiiiiiiiiiiight! She keeps telling me to bring a date, duh, of course I would. But that's not the point! So now I'll feel guilty if I don't go, but going will make me feel about as comfortable as Michael Jacko's dangling baby. What to do, what to do???
Anyway... my weekend was ok. Did everything I said I was going to do, but no real cool stories unfortunately. Oh wait, i fainted yesterday because i didn't drink water and went to the gym so I got hella dehydrated. I smacked my head so then my head hurt, nevermind, that wasn't cool, that sucked. Today is going alright, I can't believe it's already 2:00! I went to lunch today with my friend Benz, he's this gay guy I work with. He's great! We talk about everything which is cool because he understands both sides of the situation with all my guy problems. Ok well, this is boring so i'm gonna get back to work...
