Thursday, November 02, 2006

It only gets better...

Every day seems to just be better than the one before. I've been with My Love for just over four months now and every day he amazes me more and more. (Before I go on, I'm gonna pause to knock on wood so I don't jinx myself... ok, I can go on now...) He is the most stable and reliable person I have ever had in my life, he is one person I know I can count on to be there when I need him. I've never had that before and it's amazing. Last night he met my boss and her husband because we ran into her at the mall, and the first thing she says this morning... "I REALLY like him! He is SUCH a nice guy, even my husband said that you can tell what a sincere person he is within seconds of meeting him." That's what everyone says when they meet him, because it's true. He is a genuinely good person. You don't find that anymore. I think God decided I have kissed enough frogs, and sent My Love to me. The only problem, and this is a problem within myself, not him... is the sex. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's great... but sometimes it's too much, usually when I'm tired and just want to go to sleep. Because of all the things I've been through and that have happened to me I have a lot of baggage in this area and it's really starting to surface now. For example, last night, I was so tired and had a horrible headache... and he wanted to get some, so even though I REALLY didn't want to, I did. And it was lasting forever, and all I wanted was for it to be done and to go to sleep... but it was to a point that I started crying (silently) but it was so dark that he had no idea. He likes to go for a long time, and I don't. I mean, 30 minutes and I'm usually ready to roll over and go to sleep, but not him. He's a marathon man. My problem however, is my inability to say no. I can't do it. I've tried, but I can not get the words to come out of my mouth, so sometimes even though i really don't want to, I do it anyway and it's absolutely miserable. I don't know what to do. I mean, i know what to do, I need counseling. I've known that for years now, but I just keep pushing it aside. I've gotten to a point that I don't think I can do that anymore because I can't have it affect this relationship. I wish I could talk to him about it, but like I said I just can't get the words out of my mouth. I know he would be very understanding, and very receptive to my feelings but I can't even get nerve up to say anything. He has no idea what he's gotten himself into.

posted by EIizabeth @ 3:16 PM 0 Comments