Sex... love... uh oh's

Here we go again...

I got online this morning to work, and see in our internet history that My Love created a profile on Singles.net last night. I'm not even mad, just sad. Why does he do this? I always see in the history that he looks at a lot of girls' myspace pages, which I don't care about because he's just looking at pictures and I'm not that jealous. But to know that he has created a profile telling the world that he's single and looking breaks my heart. He even put on there that he has a child that lives with him. Too bad there wasn't a box to check that he has a GIRLFRIEND, and MOTHER OF HIS CHILD living with him as well. So, I logged into it (I guessed his password) and changed a setting or two to make it more truthful, i.e. i changed his body type from "Average" to "Few Extra Pounds". I hope he doesn't get an e-mail notifying him of the update. What a great way to start the day. I feel really nauseas.

Last October he came home from work and said we need to talk. He gave me some bullshit about we need some time apart because everything is too perfect and we never fight, and that basically our relationship is too good. What the fuck does that even mean??? So, he left, saying he was going to stay with a friend and didn't know when or if he would be back. He said he would come back every day to get more clothes for the next day and see the baby though so I would still see him every day. Then he walked out the door to go stay with his jobless, pot smoking, binge drinking friend. He had a great week full of fun, eating out and girls. Then came back one morning 5 days later (he was sick with a bad cold), said he missed me and loved me and went straight to bed. Come to find out he was seeing 2 girls he works with during those 5 days. He still doesn't know I know this. Of course when he came home I was suspicious so I checked the texts on his phone and one of the girls was saying how much she misses him already, and when are they going to be together, blah blah blah. Over the next few days they sent a lot of texts and he told her that he does care about her and wants to be with her someday but it can't be now, and now he just wants to fuck her. Yes, he did say it in those words. So, that hurt her and she pretty much backed off. THey still send texts once in a while, but they're little "hi how are you" one liners. So, i don't THINK anything is going on there, but I could be wrong. The other girl seemed much more on top of her game, they never had texts like he had with the first girl, just kind of flirty texts. I haven't seen a text from her in a while though. So, I haven't said a word to him about it. He really thinks I'm that stupid, that I don't have a clue what really went on that week. He said that week was so hard for him, and for me not to think that he just took a break from his life and had fun because he really had a hard time. I cant believe I didn't punch him in his face when he told me that, knowing what I know. But, before you jump down my throat about being a doormat, there's a reason. The only reason I'm still here, is for Baby. I don't want to share custody of him, I don't want him to grow up in My Love's home town, I don't want My Love's mother to have anything to do with raising him. I want much much better than that for Baby! So, the only way to make sure those things don't happen is to stay together. I know what you're thinking, Baby is better off with us apart if we're miserable. But we're really not miserable. Everyone from the outside looking in believes we have a perfect relationship. We don't fight, we don't argue, we don't yell (well, excluding the times after his mom calls and he screams at me), we bicker from time to time, but over all we get along great. We are very affectionate and Baby sees that. That is how I want him to grow up. In a loving home with both of his parents. Am I wrong for doing this? Probably. Am I selfish for doing this? Probably. But you know what? Nothing, and I do mean nothing is more important to me than Baby, and if I need to deal with some bullshit to ensure he's not from a broken home, and to ensure he's raised right, so be it. Not only that, My Love doesn't put half, or even 1/8 of the energy as I put into raising Baby, so I would die worrying about him when he's not with me if we were to split custody, not to mention his lack of patience with Baby. It's just not an option for me. Well, I guess that's it for now.

posted by EIizabeth @ 6:05 AM