Sex... love... uh oh's: 01/30/2005

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Hallelujah!

Today was a very good day. Work was cool, same ol' sh!t there. I met this guy, who we'll call Texas, online several days ago. He's a nice guy, so we e-mailed back and forth all day today. He's 25 and in the navy, in Texas (hence the name). He has the same name as Patterson, should I take that as a sign? haha! So, then I get home today and I come in my room as usual and my brother comes in to tell me my sister in law is going to hang out with one of her friends tonight, so he wanted to know if I wanted to hang out with him. I told him sure. So we watched the State of the Union Address, then went to dinner... but wait, that's not the best part, are you ready for this? Brace yourself. He paid!!! That's right, he paid. I could not believe it. He didn't even expect me to pay him back! We had a good time at dinner, and we talked a lot about me buying a house in New Mexico in the very near future because it's so inexpensive, and easy to do over there. We talked a little about my mom, about some of my friends, and I was telling him about the b!tches at work. He was cracking up when I described them. It was a lot of fun. On the way home he was telling me that my oldest sister (who I would live with in NM) got SO pissed at both of my brothers because she thinks they're trying to talk me out of moving back. He said they got into an arguement yesterday because he told her that he was giving me sh!t about moving back, so she went off on him and told him he needs to shut the fuck up, and he better hope I don't change my mind because of any of the shit he said. So they started fighting about that and also because she found out my brother Paul was telling me that if I feel that strongly about staying that it is possible, and he knows I can do it. Oooooh was she pissed. I didn't realize how bad she wanted me back. I asked my brother when I became the child that they're fighting for custody over. Paul told me that he wants me to stay and would love to see me make it out here, Jeff said he wants me to stay (just not with him), and Serena and Lynn (my younger sister) are adamant about me moving back. And of course, my parents don't have a clue about any of this. The last thing I need are their looney toon asses chiming in. My mom has been bugging me for months to go back and move in with her, she doesn't have her own place now, but she's working on getting it so she's constantly calling me telling me she found a place for us. I don't know how I'm going to break it to her that I'm not moving in with her... ever. All she does is cry. I can barely tell her I have to get off the phone with her without her crying. I'll tell you who's going to be pissed about me moving into my sister's house... my nephew. Serena told Jeff that I'll be staying in my nephew's room. He uses it to play in, but he sleeps upstairs on bunk beds in my niece's room. Anyway, they're just finishing remodeling my nephew's room and since he's a big time Raiders fan, they decorated it in all silver and black, he's SO excited to have his new room. So he's definitely not going to be happy about me living in it. Poor little guy. I'd be pissed too. But, I'm about as excited to live in his room as he will be to have me in it. I really fuckin hope I'm making the right decision. Anyway, tonight when Jeff and I got home we watched the movie S.W.A.T, his wife came home and was tired so she went to bed and we finished the movie and went to bed. We successfully spent the entire evening together without one arguement, and he was nice the whole time! It was amazing! Definitely a night for the record books.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Son of a...!

The b!tches at work got me sick! I just got over being sick, and here we go again. Last night my throat was just really dry, then I woke up and it was totally sore, and it's been downhill from there. Fever, chills, body aches, headache. Mannnnnnnnnnn! I can already hear my brother. Looks like I'm quarantined to my room again. Whyyyyyyyy meeeeeeeeeeee??? I've been popping vitamin c today like it's going out of style, so hopefully it won't be so bad this time. Other than that things are going pretty well. I had a good talk today with my oldest brother about moving. He understands me and what I'm going through a lot more than anyone else in my family because we've had so many similar experiences. My brother Jeff runs his mouth like his shit doesn't stink, but in all reality he's had help from all directions his whole life. My dad helped him get started in the industry he's in, his wife (as well as everyone else in our family) has helped him financially pretty much from the day they met. But now that he's somewhat successful he doesn't remember any of that and talks all this shit like he did everything on his own and now everyone owes him something. He nickle & dimes the fuck out of everyone. But of course neglects to pay the 2 grand in rent he owes to my sister and brother from when he lived in the condo for free. Whatever, I'm not going to go off on him anymore today. Despite being sick it's a good day, I'm in a good mood, and it's American Idol and Simple Life night! Yay!

Tune Test

Jaime said I gotta do it, so I say "Sir, yes sir!" HA! Here it goes...

Tunes:
1. Song that sounds like happy feels: Happy Face - Destiny's Child

2. Earliest memory: Home Sweet Home - Motley Crue (Ok that wasn't my earliest memory I dont think, but i remember being really little and watching the video on MTV. It was #1 for like 1000 weeks)

3. Last CD you bought: Ashanti - Concrete Rose

4. Reminds you of school:Elementary- Bad Medicine - Bon Jovi / Jr. High: Linger - Cranberries / High School: Makaveli - 2pac

5. Total music files on your PCU : 1,125

6. For listening to repeatedly when depressed: She Hates Me - Puddle of Mudd

7. Sounds british, but isn't: Huh?

8. Tune you love, band you hate: Shadow - Ashlee Simpson

9. A favorite from the past that took ages to track down: Put it in your mouth - Akinyele

10. Bought the album for one good song: Nelly - Sweat

11. Best Song to Get Stuck in your Head: Let me love you - Mario

12. Song ( or songs) that best descibes YOU: Don't let me get me - Pink

13. Worst song to get stuck in your head: Drop it like it's hot - Snoop

3 people who need to take this: Matt, Miss P, Urbane

Sunday, January 30, 2005

It's true... kind of

Well... at least it's cleaner than the border towns of Mexico.

Back to hell

Kate left a comment on one of my posts about Marine asking why I think he doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about him. So Kate, to answer your question, it's the lack of a feeling I get from him. You know how when you're with someone, you can just get a vibe for how they feel about you. It's in the way they look at you, their body language, you can just tell. I don't get that from him at all. Also, he does the pat on the back hugs, where you pat the person on the back as you're hugging them, to kind of hurry things along. The kind of hug you give a friend who you don't really have any emotional involvment with, but you hug them because they're your friend. I hate those. He does that. It's just not there. I could be totally wrong, but I really don't think I am.

He called the other day when I was on my way home from work. I was bummed because I was still trying to figure out whether I should move or not, and I think he could hear it in my voice. He asked what was wrong so we started talking about it and he was telling me to consider Sacramento as an option. He reminded me that I did fine when I lived there before, and that if I really wanted to stay in CA I could just go back to Sac where it's a little cheaper but still fairly close. Then he threw in that it's only an hour away from him. I didn't say anything at the time, but I wouldn't consider moving back there. It would be pointless to move back, live in the ghetto again, and work 3 jobs again just to get by. No thanks. As much as he really tried to help, he didn't really have any good advice for me. He, like a lot of other people I know, has a great family, and parents that he can depend on. His mom and dad own a salon in San Francisco and are doing great. He moved back in with them when he got out of the marines and is now going to school and helping out with the business end of things at the salon. So he's hooked up. He goes to school for free, lives for free, has a cake job that he rarely has to leave the house for. I'm not knocking his situation at all, I would kill for it. I think it's awesome that things worked out the way they did for him. But, I don't have any of that. So, while he's telling me I can make it here, he has no idea what it even takes to make it. He even said that he would really like to live out on his own, but that would be stupid of him right now because he has it made at home with his parents, especially while he's going to school. He's right, and very very lucky.

Now, let me tell you a little bit about my parents. I think some of this are things you already know, so I'll do a quick recap. Mom and Dad were married 35 years, had 5 kids and 2 grandkids. Wait... let me take a little step back real quick, when I was going to school for nursing I was just about to start my clinical rotations but didn't have a car at the time. So I was saving money to get one, and I took public transportation, and did what I had to do to get places, never asking my parents for anything. Well, one day they tell me that they'll pick me up from school. So they pick me up in this geo metro one day. I was like ummm where the hell did this come from? They were like "It's yours! We just got it for you!" Now, we all know what great cars geo metros are (cough bullshit cough), but at the time I didn't care because I thought that was the coolest thing in the world that they would get me a car at all, and surprise me with it. So I thanked them a million times. First of all, it was a stick shift, so I had to learn how to drive it. Then, as soon as I did, about a week later my mom comes in my room and goes "Oh yeah, here's your payment book." And tosses the payment coupon book for the car on my bed. I was like what??? I'm making the payments??? She goes, "Well of course. Did you think we were just going to give you a car???" OH... MY... GOD! I take back every fucking thank you I gave you! I never asked you for one god damn ride, you knew I was saving to buy a car on my own, and still you take the liberty to go and pick out the most unreliable piece of shit you can find without me, surprise me with it, and make me pay for it! YOU $%^&*( $%^&* )(*&%^&!!! This was on top of the rent I paid them so I could live with them while I went to school full time, and worked part time. So, that's how I got my first car.

Ok... where was I? Oh yeah....

So they were married 35 years and mom leaves dad for a punk bitch that's my sister's age. They get an apartment together, and she sends my dad divorce papers. My younger sister and I were the only ones left living at home so we stayed with my dad, and moved to a 2 bedroom/1 bathroom apartment (sharing a room with my younger sister) and of course I was still paying rent. So, I'm paying rent to my dad, paying on this piece of sh!t car, insurance, all that good stuff. Why didn't I just move out you ask? Because I was afraid that my dad couldn't make it on his own. Then my mom's punk boyfriend (who's a "life coach") tells me he knows how I'm feeling and he can help me... for $100/hour. No joke. This bastard fuck wanted to charge me $100/hour to be my life coach. And my mom was ok with this! Not only was she ok with it, she really tried to encourage me to do it. Why mom??? So I can help pay the rent for you and your worthless fuck boyfriend too?? When I finally realized how my parents were doing more damage to my life than help, I rented a u-haul and moved to Sacramento so fast my head practically spun. I came out here with nothing, got a job, always kept a roof over my head and food on the table, make great friends, and made a pretty good life for myself. Then, my brothers made me belive it would be a great idea for me to move to San Jose, and that they would help me and how cool it would be for me to live close to them. Ooooooooh if I could turn back time. One of the first things my brother told me when I got here is "I'm not helping you get a job, and I told (his wife) not to help you either. You need to get it on your own." Hmmm well thanks you fuckin dick. First of all, I never asked for or expected your help, so I don't know why you felt the need to tell me that. 2nd of all, don't fuckin treat me like a spoiled brat that has had shit handed to me on a silver fuckin platter all my life, because I've worked my ass off for each and every thing I've ever gotten. I've never asked anyone for anything. I never asked to come stay with you, you offered, then turn around and make me feel like shit for it. #3, think about where you are you selfish fuck. If dad didn't GET YOU your first job as a shipping/receiving boy you wouldn't be shit right now. Dick. Oh yeah... get this... today, he asked me if I wanted to go to a wrestling tournament with him so I said yes. It's $3 to get in. So, I tell him I don't have any cash on me and ask if I can borrow $3 for my ticket. Nope. We go back to the car, he takes me to a fuckin ATM and I have to get $20 plus a $2 ATM fee so I can pay for my own $3 ticket. I'm thinking, well, maybe he just doesn't have the cash. Wrong. He pays for HIS ticket with a $20 that he had the whole time. Thanks bro. THEN... tonight at dinner he starts talking shit about "So, who are you going to live with next? Are you just going to bounce around from sibling to sibling for the rest of your life? You must be pretty proud. Hell, I'd be happy too if I could just live off my brothers and sisters forever." I've never wanted to punch him in the face so bad as I did tonight.

Wow... ok, I'm not sure where all of that came from. Ok... so where was I? Oh yeah...

So I moved to Sacramento and everything was great for me here. Meanwhile, my dad was out of work and got... I believe 4 cars reposessed, had my brother and sister pay his rent several months in a row, and would talk HORRIBLY about my mom to us. My mom was still living with her punk boyfriend. They had an apartment, and they were broke so they decided they could only keep one car. She calls me and says "I know your car is running really horribly, so I was wondering if you want to take mine?" I'm thinking wow, maybe she's trying to redeem herself for the last time she fucked me over. Nope. She tells me the payments are $400/month. I told her I couldn't afford it, so she said she would pay my insurance. So I said ok. I go to NM to pick up the car, low and behold, the check engine light is on. She gives me the fuckin car with the check engine light on, knowing I have to drive back to CA in it. She says that it's been on for months, but the car is in perfect shape. So, off I go. Well, about 100 miles out, what do you know? The car breaks down, and there I am stranded. Thanks mom! $700 later the car is fixed and I'm back on my way. Fast forward 2 more trips to the dealership that cost me I don't even know how much, and I find out I don't have insurance. What do you mean? My mom said she was going to pay it. *Ring ring* Yeah, hi mom, umm... have you paid my insurance? "Oh, no honey I haven't, things have been really tight over here and I haven't been able to afford it. I'll get it back when I can though. I promise." So, obviously they're very broke and she started nursing again so they had more money and got a condo. Then they decided they needed time apart, and put notice in at their condo, but didn't bother looking for anywhere else to go. When time came to move out, she had no where to go and had to go with him. He's renting a room at a house for $250/month, and that's where they live now. Except now her boyfriend pays the whopping $250 rent and my mom squats for free until she can find a place of her own. Then, one day, she calls and says "I really thing you should move back here. I'm going to get a 2 bedroom place and I want you to live with me so you can get back on your feet. You can even go to school!" Mom, fuck off. Tell it to someone who you haven't fucked over time and time again. I'm not living with you or anywhere near you, I'm not paying your rent, I'm not taking another one of your busted ass cars, and I sure as fuck don't want your bitch ass boyfriend as a life coach.

Wow, I really went off on this one tonight. I definitely didn't mean to, but once I started I couldn't stop. Anyway... there's a little insight as to why I'm not thrilled about going back to NM.

Sex... love... uh oh's