Afternoon Update
Well, after I wrote my last post, I was pretty bummed and couldn't concentrate on anything, so I decided to take an early lunch. I went home, with a headache, and My Love's car was still there. This was at 11:30, and you probably remember that I mentioned his first class today was at 11:00. So, I knew then that he obviously over slept quite a bit. I go up, and sure enough, he's sound asleep. I wake him up and ask him if he's ok, he says "yeah, why?" i tell him that it's 11:30 and he says, "damn.", but is in no hurry to get up. So I lay down with him, and start rubbing his chest and stomach, he says he needs to get in the shower so he gets up, walks to the bathroom, then comes back to lay down with me again. I, now having energy, decided to take advantage of the little bit of extra time and make up for my lack of affection last night. So, I gave him some uh... special kisses for a while, then he moved around to the back to finish up. After that he had to hurry and get dressed in order to make it to his 12:30 class, that he had a test in, on time. I had written him a note this morning and left it by the bathroom mirror that said
"Babe,
I know you'll do great today. I am so proud of everything you're doing and everything you are. You are brilliant. I love you!"
He found it when he was getting ready, and put it in his pocket. He gave me a big hug and kiss, said thank you and had to run out. I have to admit to do feel a little better than I did this morning. I just hope tonight is better than last night.
Not Good Enough
It's been a pretty rough week. I've been getting these headaches for a while now that will not ever go away. I wake up with it in the morning and it only gets worse from there. It moves around my head all day until it turns into a migraine in the late afternoon/evening. My Love has been telling me to go to the Dr. for a while now, and I finally have an appointment tomorrow morning... but with the one I have today (from my shoulders to the top of my head) I don't know if I can wait until tomorrow morning. This has just been a very tense and stressful week, or couple of weeks I guess. My Love has had a rough week with school, he's had to study for tests for countless hours, and on top of that he works full time... so I've been doing everything I can to be supportive of him while he's working so hard, so I have dinner ready for him when he's ready to eat, I rub his back to help him relax, I do whatever I can, but I also feel like he needs some alone time to kinda decompress, so I go to bed a little earlier than he does so he can relax alone for a while... but then I feel guilty because I don't know if that's what he really wants, or if he wants me to be with him. I don't know. I guess right now I'm just feeling like I'm not good enough. No matter how hard I try, it just never seems (to me) like I'm doing enough for him. Last night he came over after studying and I had a dinner plate ready for him. I was already in bed, so I got up to sit with him, and he said he knew I was tired and I should sleep. He was right, and I had a killer headache so I went back to bed. He came in about an hour later and was trying to get some, but my head hurt so bad, so I wasn't really responsive to his attempts. I fell back asleep, and then I wake up and he's sitting out on the couch in the dark, wide awake. I go out there to see what he's doing and if everything's alright... he says it is, but I just knew something was on his mind, though he wouldn't tell me what. I start asking him if he's worried about his tests this week, he says he doesn't know. I ask him if he talked to his mom (i know he's been worried about her lately) and he says yes, but doesn't expand on that either other than he told her he may go up to see her this weekend (she lives 1 1/2 hour north of us). So, basically, he's not going to tell me what's on his mind, and just keeps telling me I have to get up early for work, so I should get back to sleep. He's done this once before, he acted the same way then went to spend the weekend at his mom's and came back completely fine, but the way he's acting scares the crap out of me because I don't know what's wrong with him, or what I can do to help him. I feel so helpless and I hate it. His class today starts at 11am, and usually we talk one the phone once before that to say good morning, but this morning I called and left him a voicemail, and never heard from him. Why does he do this? Why won't he open up? I want so badly to be there for him, but I can't do it if he won't let me. I hate this.
Here are our horocopes for today:
Taurus (Me) (Apr 20 - May 20)
Your energy may be at an all-time low today, leaving you discouraged. Perhaps the best thing you can do now is to just take it easy. If you don't have the physical energy to tackle a significant project, don't waste time worrying about it. Your stamina will return, and in the meantime you can increase your chance for success by getting some much needed rest.
Aries (Him) (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
Your dilemma is probably quite real, even if you are feeling unsure of yourself. You think you know what you need and it may not seem very complicated. Achieving satisfaction, however, is a different matter, for there may be a vast difference between your goals and what others have to offer. Your happiness could depend on your willingness to temporarily accept less than your highest ideal.
