Sex... love... uh oh's

SON OF A F@*#ING B!&@#!!!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Deep breaths. Ok, that didn't help. I feel worse now after talking to Patterson than I did before. It's 3pm, and we just talked for the first time today... I called him, obviously. He was telling me about the appointments he scheduled and stuff, blah blah blah. I asked what he's doing now and he whispered that he's drinking because his back hurts. I was like why are you whispering? He said because he didn't want his Grandpa to know, because he'll just talk shit. He said that as soon as he gets to the Dr about his back, he won't have to do this anymore, but in the meantime that's the only thing that makes it feel better, and insisted that he doesn't do it every day. Whatever, alcoholic. Then he asks me what I meant when I said "This is getting to be too hard" the other day. He goes "What's too hard? Me?" I said yes. He was like what??? what do you mean??? are you mad because I don't see you everyday??? I told him no, i knew that would be the case from day 1, and I'm not mad about anything, I'm just saying it fuckin sucks. He goes "well what then? is it because we don't talk every day?" I was like, well, yeah. He goes "well sorry, but it's really expensive. I just got a $400 phone bill from talking to you, so I can't call that much anymore." Ummm #1, the $400 phone bill was not from talking to me. We rarely ever talk during the day, or even the night for that matter, so fuck off if you're trying to make me feel bad. #2, you're cell phone isn't the only fuckin way of communicating in the world. You can get online and talk to me on yahoo, you can e-mail, you can text message, you can use another phone, fuckin use smoke signals... jesus christ. When I told him he could always call me in the evening, when he has unlimited minutes he goes "Well, I can't always do that because that's when my Uncle likes to play Everquest." (Deep breath) THEN! He goes... "Is it because I spend so much time with my Uncle? If you have a problem with that, then I'm sorry, but he's family, and you and I aren't married. I've been away and haven't seen him for 5 years, so if he says he wants to do something with me, I'm going to do it. I'm not going to sit here and say no because I'm worried you'll get mad if I don't call you. Especially if he says he wants to play Everquest with me, because nobody ever wants to play it with me so it's really cool that he does. Just like if someone in your family wanted to spend time with you I'd expect you to do it and not worry about me." I told him I don't care what he does when he's home, he could jack off to Everquest all day, I don't care. I'm just saying when you go home, remember that I still exist and it would be really cool to get a call or 2 from you a day. I don't want you to revolve your world around me, all I'm asking for is a fucking phone call once or twice a day to acknowledge my existence. I'm not a fuckin part time job. You can't clock in and out when you please. I told him that maybe he's not ready for the kind of relationship that I thought this was going to be, and maybe he should take time to be with his family without me being in his way. He's like "No babe, I want to be with you. I do love you, and I do miss you. I swear to God I do. But hey, I better get off the phone so I don't use too many minutes. I'll call you tonight after 9:00 ok?" I just said K. Then he goes "I miss you" And since he put me in bitch mode I was like "Ok." He said "I love you." I said Ok. Then he told me again he would call me at 9:00, to which I wanted to say "yeah right" but just replied again with Ok, and hung up. God I wish the shooting range was open after 5pm, I want more than anything to go blow a target with his name all over it to shreds. Fucker.

posted by EIizabeth @ 2:54 PM