Sex... love... uh oh's

The talk

So, I'm at my brother's house in San Jose, lying in bed and can't sleep because this thing with Patterson is really bothering me. I haven't said much about this on here, but he's pretty much my part time boyfriend. When he's here, it's great. He treats me better than I could ever dream of being treated, he's so sweet, caring, patient, understanding, thoughtful... such a gentleman. So much, that I do feel like I'm falling in love with him. BUT... when he goes home (about an hour and a half away), it's like I barely exist. He lives with his extended family, and whenever he goes home all he does is play this stupid god damn game called Everquest with his uncle and cousin. Seriously, that's ALL he does. He even admits it. When he's there, playing the game, he never calls me, and the rare times that he does call he says "Hey babe, I just wanted to call real quick to say I'm thinking of you, but I have to help my uncle with the game, so I have to go. I'll call you later" Then he doesn't call. His phone got shut off on the last day he was staying with me, so he had to pay the bill to get it back on. While it was off, I didn't get an e-mail, IM, phone call from someone else's phone, nothing. We went 3 days without speaking since he left. 3 days! I came to San Jose yesterday and this morning he calls me like everything's just peachy. I was like wow, I'm surprised you remembered my number. He was like what are you talking about??? Ummm hello, you haven't acknowledged my existence in any way in 3 fuckin days. He was like, you know my phone was off. I told him I thought it was over, or that he found someone else (which I am 110% sure he didn't, because he's too busy having an affair with Everquest), he was like you've gotta be kidding me! I was just trying to get the point across that this isn't what a relationship is, this outta sight, outta mind thing isn't gonna fly with me. A couple of minutes later he had to go because his uncle was ready to help him move his stuff to storage so he said he'd call me back. I already knew better than to expect his call. So at like 2pm, I was at Fleet Week in the city, and decided to call to say hi. Much to my surprise (not), he was drinking and playing Everquest. He spent more time during our call talking to his Uncle about the game than he did me, and finally said "I have to go so I can help my Uncle get through this part. I'll call you back." Riiiiiiiiiiiight. Did he? Of course he didn't. So, here I am, lying here, can't sleep over this bullshit. Which leads me to my decision. Tomorrow I'm calling him to tell him this part-time boyfriend bullshit he's trying to pull doesn't work for me. He's either in it, or he's not. I'm not going to sit here and fuckin wait around for him to call for the 1, 2, 3 weeks at a time that I don't see him. I mean, I don't want to break it off with him, because when we are together, he's awesome. But I'm also not going to be in a half ass relationship. The reason I didn't commit to him when he originally asked me to was because I thought he was going to put 110% into the relationship, and at that point I didn't feel I could put that much into it, and it wouldn't be fair to him to be half ass. So I waited until I felt like I was ready to put all my effort into it before I said yes. Low and behold, he's the half ass. So, I'll tell him how I feel tomorrow and let him make the decision. If he makes the decision to stay with me, great, but I'll need to see action and not just the talk he's been doing. I have way too much stress as it is without this. I don't trust anyone. No one. I've been fucked way too many times to believe anything anyone says. But I've started to let my wall come down a little bit with him. For some reason, I've already opened up to him more than any boyfriend I've had, because I feel so comfortable with him. I'm not sure why, but I do. I hope this isn't just another lesson learned for me. I hope he is the person I believe he is, and he turns this around. If not, of course, I'll be fine. But it's getting harder and harder to really believe there are any good guys left out there. Anyway... I'll update you tomorrow.

Oh, before I go, do you KNOW how many hot men in uniform were at Fleet Week today? I mean seriously. Holy fuck! Sailors, Army, Marines, Airforce... all in uniform. My chin was dragging along the pier all day. That should make for some VERY nice dreams tonight. Buenos noches!

posted by EIizabeth @ 11:18 PM