Sex... love... uh oh's

Shock of my life

He called! He said he would call, and he did! Halle-fuckin-lujah! I watched some great TV last night (I'm a reality show junkie)! First I watched Gia, which I really liked. Then I watched Growing up Gotti, and The Real World/Road Rules Battle of the Sexes, which is awesome because the entire season is filmed in New Mexico. Last night they were at the lake that my brothers and I used to fish at when we were little, but I'll talk more about that later. Anyway, I could tell I was going to have one of those nights where I'm so tired I can't sleep, so I took some Tylenol PM and laid in bed to watch the battle of the sexes, then fall asleep. About half way through the show (go figure) my phone rings, I thought for sure I was imagining it because it was Patterson's ring tone. So I looked, rubbed my eyes, looked again... it was him. I figured he must have the wrong number, that he couldn't have actually meant to call me. He called just to talk, which was a nice surprise because I certainly didn't expect it. I was prepared to shoot up my last dose of reality TV, then float away on my Tylenol PM cloud. We talked for about an hour & a half about lots of things. The shows I watched, his family, my family... and the problem we're facing. He goes "So, are you ok?" I asked him what he meant, and he goes "you know... are you happy?" I told him "In general, sure I'm happy. In this relationship... you have the ability to make me very happy, but lately, no I haven't been happy at all. I don't feel like you want this as much as I do, and if that's the case, if this is too much for you right now please tell me so we don't hold eachother back from anything." He was like "Babe, I want to be with you. You know that. I think about you all the time, and would see you every day if I could. I love you." I told him I have a hard time believing it seeing as how he always tells me he'll call and never does. He was like "I know, I know I do that and I'm sorry. It's a very bad habit of mine. Not just with you, with everyone. My mom, my sisters, everyone. But I will try to get better at it." Then he went on about how forgetful he is, blah blah blah. His tone during this conversation was MUCH more soft and comforting than the conversation we had earlier yesterday when he just got defensive and had attitude. He said he's working on getting his car fixed so he can come down next weekend when Cop and his wife come over to bbq, and also the following weekend to help me move. We'll see about that. I decided I'm not going to call him, and see what that does. I haven't called him at all today. He sent me an IM to say he was thinking about me, he hopes I'm having a good day, and he'll call me later. I won't hold my breath.

Last night I also talked to my best friend of 17 years, we'll call her... Crackbaby. (In high school I used to call her crackbaby, and she called me hooker. They were our terms of endearment. God, I love that girl!) Anyway, being best friends for 17 years, we've seen eachother through EVERYTHING. All of our firsts (Actually, in 5th grade when I was going out with First, I had to move away, and as soon as I left she started going out with him. We still laugh about it, especially when I found out how bad he is in the sack.), all of our mistakes, all of our good and bad days... everything. So, naturally I call her with this one. She says very simply "He's not dependable. Dump him." Then continues with "But... I know that it's much easier said than done. So I don't expect you to do it." Then I asked her what's going on with this Lawyer she just broke up with for the 100th time and she laughed and goes "I slept with him last night. That's why I'm not lecturing you, because of all people, I definitely know it's easier said than done." Benz (my gay friend that I work with) is the same way, he's adamant about me dumping Patterson, but at the same time the same thing is happening to him. He's in this relationship with a selfish, arrogant, cocky asshole who treats him like a red-headed step child, but Benz refuses to leave him. Cop and his wife... another example. My oldest brother and his girlfriend... another example. What the hell is wrong with all of us???

posted by EIizabeth @ 2:13 PM