Sex... love... uh oh's

Bad sex with an EX

I've been in New Mexico since the 23rd, everything has been going pretty well. I haven't done a whole lot besides spend a lot of time with family. Christmas was nice, everyone had a good time, and got some nice stuff. I ended up getting my brother a GC to Tower Records just because I didn't have time or energy for anything else. (Jamie, thank you so much for your offer! However, he was already out of town when I got your e-mail and I had no way of getting one of his paintings. But thank you!) So that's pretty much all I've been doing. FBI came over to my sister's on Christmas night, looking extremely hot! He grew up with our family, so we sat around and laughed about stupid things we did when we were younger while he drank water and the rest of us got shitfaced. It was fun. At about 2am when he was leaving he gave me a big hug, a kiss on the forehead (which I love!) and told me to call him sometime. Last night Mama's boy called and hinted till he was blue in the face about coming over, so he came over, we talked about... well... nothing. It was cool, just small talk. He gave me a couple hugs, but other than that he didnt even try for more. Tonight, same thing, he came over, we watched TV, talked... then he started tickling me. One thing led to another and the next thing I know, we're having sex. Very, very, very bad sex. There were no feelings whatsoever, at least on my part, so it was soooooo freakin boring. There was no attraction, no kissing, no nothing. I also think he shrunk, if you know what I mean. I remember there being a little more there. So, we're in the middle of it, he's going at it missionary, and I'm bored to death. I finally tell him that I better go lay down in the living room with my niece because if she wakes up alone she'll freak out. He goes "Oh, um, ok." We get dressed and I walked him out. He asked me to call him tomorrow. I'll be sure to do that. (Can you sense a little sarcasm?) You're probably thinking that I regret it, and it was a big mistake. But it's the complete opposite. I hadn't seen him in a year, and during that whole time I was sure I had feelings for him, and even wanted to be with him. Tonight pretty much confirmed that that is absolutely not true. I have no feelings for him, I'm not attracted to him, and definitely do NOT want to be with him. Sex with him when we were together was always great, because I was in love with him, without that it's garbage. That's pretty much the way it's always been with guys I've had sex with, but there's no emotional attachment. It's always sucked. So, I'm glad it happened, and relieved that I can finally after 5 years close that chapter of my life. I have lots more to talk about, but it's late and I'm tired.

posted by EIizabeth @ 1:28 AM