Sex... love... uh oh's

Snap out of it

Yesterday was great! I had a good day at work, people were in a good mood, my brother and sister in law were in great moods, and I talked to Chester all throughout the day and night. He was being SO sweet. He was so nice, and complimentary, and just fun to talk to the entire day. I felt myself getting sucked back into to his charm... and though it felt really good at the time, there was that little voice in the back of my head saying "Hellooooooooo! Deja Vu!!!" After we hung up for the last time last night I really started thinking about all of it. So today I just decided to lay it all out, and get some real answers out of him. I asked him what exactly he's doing with me, what expectations he has (if any), if he's serious about this fairy tale picture he's painting, or if he's just having fun flirting with me again. He swore up and down that he's serious, and means every word he says, and he does want to see where we go... BUT... he said that he does have restrictions. BINGO! I asked what they are and he said his 2 daughters (They're 3 and 10). He said that he spends a lot of time with them, and doesn't introduce them to any women for a long time. I told him that I think that's great and that's how it should be. It's a parents' job to protect their children. They are already confused enough because their parents aren't together, you certainly shouldn't add to it by introducing them to random women, just so they can get close to them and when it doesn't work out they have to deal with that too. I learned that with Mama's Boy. I met his daughter right away when she was 2 and loved her to death! We were SO close. We broke up when she was 4 and it broke my heart to not see her anymore. Then I would talk to his mom and she told me that his little girl had a hard time not having me around anymore. I definitely don't want to go through that again. At the same time though, it's very hard for me to not think this is another one of Chester's excuses. He used to have a new one every week last time we were seeing eachother. So, that definitely was a red flag in my head. Then, he wanted to see recent pictures of me so I sent some and he was totally complimentary again, then asked if I got implants! haha! One of the tops I had on in one of the pictures sure makes it look that way, but no, they're all real. So then he asked if he could explore them. I told him I, too, have restrictions. He asked what they are, so I told him I have to protect myself like he has to protect his daughters. One way I do that is by waiting to have sex in a relationship. (I'm sure you all choked when you read that, but hey, there's a first for everything, and with him I will DEFINITELY enforce this rule.) Last time our so-called relationship was strictly about the sex, this time it has to be different or not at all. I want more now, and will not go back to that again. He said that he agrees, and that that's a good thing. cough*bullshit*cough I was like really? You really agree? You??? He said yeah, because sex makes babies, and babies take commitment and the next time he has a baby, it's going to be with the woman he's going to be with forever. No more joint custody for him. I told him I'm glad he understood then. He said that he understands, but after seeing my pictures it's going to be very hard for him to hold back, but that he would try. I was like try??? You don't have another option, it's not happening. He said there is another option, cuddling and kissing. He and I both know he can't stop at that. So, looks like we'll be seeing eachother in public places quite a bit for a while. After all that he decided to turn the tables and ask me all the questions I asked him. He asked me if I would like to happen when I move back, I told him I have no expectations. He asked if I have any hopes, or wishes that I would share with him. I told him I hope he's actually changed and isn't just feeding me bullshit like last time. I guess we'll soon find out.

I talked to First about all of this the other day because he gives great advice. He said that he doesn't think I should get together with Chester because he thinks Chester will derail all my goals, and reasons that made me decide to move back to NM. He said he thinks if I get involved with him again I'll throw school away, and end up being miserable like I was before I moved to CA. He's absolutely right. Guys have always had a way with distracting me from the things I should be doing, like school. It's happened a couple times before. So, I definitely took his advice into consideration. He also said that he's not saying I shouldn't get involved with anyone, just that I need to make sure whoever it is supportive and wants to see me achieve my goals, not take me away from them. Also, if moving back to CA after school is important to me I need to think about that and make sure whoever I get involved with is open to that too. Like I said, he gives great advice. Then he ended with saying "Since you already know Chester is a good plumber you could just keep him around to clean your pipes every once in a while, but keep it at that, and this time you need to be the one making the booty calls, not him." I was cracking up at that one!

posted by EIizabeth @ 4:33 PM