Sex... love... uh oh's

Need sleep

I need sleep! In a bad day, not even in a good way... ya know, where you're tired but you have a cool story to tell about last night, so you don't mind being tired? No, not that kind... I'm just tired because I haven't been able to sleep for shit lately. I think it's just because I hate being unemployed. So I'm hard at work on the job hunt. Other than that, not much is going on. I puppy sat for my brother while he and his wife went to Phoenix. It was harder than watching a 2 year old human being! Jake (the puppy) was sick all weekend, throwing up and stuff. I told my brother so my brother told me to take him to the vet, so I did and my life was pretty much all about Jake the rest of the weekend. I even had to make chicken and rice for him because that's what the vet ordered! I cooked for a fuckin dog! My brother thought that was SO funny! I hadn't talked to Patterson in a week, which I was totally fine with. He got his phone shut off and hasn't been able to pay it, and I told him I don't have yahoo IM here, so there was no way for us to communicate... unless he e-mailed me, but he's not that smart. So last night he called me from his Aunt's phone basically saying... don't you miss me? or care about me? He was upset because I didn't even try to call him at his Grandpa's house. Now normally, I would just give him a bitchy attitude, but when he tried to get pissed at me because I didn't make the effort to contact him when he's the irresponsible one that can't pay his bills I blew up at him and everything I've been wanting to tell him just came spewing out. I told him how I can't depend on him for shit, how his addiction to Everqueer makes me ill, how lame and tired his excuses are... i just went on and on, in a very harsh way, then I told him that i don't love him and that because of everything he's done I've built up a wall around my heart and he's on the other side of it. I told him I think he's not at a point in his life where he can handle a relationship and I'm not going to sacrifice my needs or wants to spend one more second with him. He got really defensive at first, but I didn't back off so then it turned from being defensive to him saying "I know baby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Fucker. So, at the end he's like "Please give me a chance to redeem myself. I promise now that I know everything that's been bothering you I can change it, every last bit of it. Everything I want in a woman is right in front of my face, it's you, and I will do anything I have to do in order to keep you." I told him I wasn't even going to listen to his words anymore, that if he wanted to redeem himself I need to see action, consistently. This isn't going to be an overnight thing, where he apologizes and comes to see me once and everything's good again. It's gonna take a very long time. I also told him that I'm going to make a life for myself out here, and not to think that I'm going to sit around and wait for him to call or come see me. So we'll see... but he is definitely the very least of my worries. I remember when my posts used to be cool, those were the good ol' days.

posted by EIizabeth @ 11:45 AM