Sex... love... uh oh's

Lots of thinking

Ok, it's Monday... a week from my last post, and boy have things changed. I really don't know what to do. As you read in my last post, Patterson was here all week. The first few days were hard. Very, very hard. He was so clingy, and affectionate and it was driving me absolutely insane. But, then... i started to think a lot. I was like wow, this is what I thought I wanted, why am I freaking out? So, for the next several days I did a lot of soul searching. I was like ok, I have what I've been asking for right in front of me, he's nice, he's a gentleman, he makes me laugh, he's understanding, and complimentary, he's caring, and patient, and he likes me for ME. I don't have to pretend I'm something I'm not when I'm around him. And I'm such an asshole that I complained about him paying too much attention to me, and giving me too much affection. Someone smack me! God! So, like I said... I did a lot of thinking and realized what an idiot I was being. That instead of enjoying what a good person he is, I automatically started trying to find flaws in him because I'm so used to going out with dickheads. So... this past Saturday, I finally realized how stupid I was being and opened my eyes to how lucky I am. Then I was the one who was attached to his hip! haha!!! Go figure. So we watched movies and hung out all day, then Saturday night in the middle of one of the movies, he was sitting on the floor leaning back on the couch, and I was lying on the couch. I started kissing his neck (keep in mind I had put NO effort into giving him any kind of physical affection all week), then I got down on the floor in front of him and started kissing him, i turned around, turned off the tv and kept kissing him. Then I started sucking on his finger, still with my face just a few inches from his and looking him right in his eyes. His chin just dropped as he stared at me. Then I worked my way down... all the way down, and gave, what I believe, was my best performance to date. I spent about 15 minutes down there, then I just got up and said "You can turn the movie back on if you want. I'm going to bed. G'night" and went in my room. He just goes "Wait... what? What do you mean? Hey! Where are you going?" By the time he got in my room I was lying naked on the bed. We had sex in many positions, then finished it off in the 69. I swallowed (which I've done for a very select few), then rubbed the tip with my thumb and he went crazy. It was awesome. After a few minutes, when he was actually able to speak again, he asked what came over me. I told him I just wanted to thank him, and show him that I do appreciate him. It was a good night. Now he's gone and I miss him already. We're still not together, just because I he is so awesome, and I can be such an idiot... so I want to make 100% sure I can commit myself to him before I do it. The last thing I want to do is hurt him, so I'm being very careful to avoid doing that. He sure came out of no where and hit me like a ton of bricks! Oy vey!

posted by EIizabeth @ 5:23 PM