Sex... love... uh oh's

Time to vent

It's Friday. Finally. I don't know why, but last night everything just hit me as really fuckin irritating. I mean, like, I was even thinking about shit that already happened and was getting irritated about it all over again. Cop's wife came over with the babies, and I think that's what started it. Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE those little ones to death. They are so precious, and I love being around them. But last night I was already irritated when she came over, (Cop had left to do some errands) and she just fuckin lets herself in with the key he gave her. I was like ummmm hi. Like bitch, YOU DONT LIVE HERE! FUCKIN KNOCK! So she comes in with the 2 crying babies (one is 3 y/o, and the other is 2 months) and just plops all her shit in the living room (that I just cleaned). Then, her phone rings so she leaves the 2 crying kids in the living room and goes in Cop's room to fuckin gossip with her one of her girlfriends. So i go pick up the baby, and try to get him to stop crying and I was rubbing the other ones back. So after like 15 minutes she comes in and is like "oh, you don't have to do that." Ok, why dont i just be like you and leave 2 FUCKIN CRYING KIDS ALONE??? AAAAAAHHHHHHH! So i went to my room to be alone with my irritated self, and she knocks on my door "are you ok??" no bitch, i'm not ok. LEAVE ME ALONE! You're probably thinking, damn, what a bitch! I'm really not, this is very rare for me but my anxiety level went up so high knowing she was coming, then her entrance just sent me through the roof. After a while, Cop came home and he calls me out for dinner, so we're eating (the kids are sleeping), and every time Cop is talking directly to me about something, she interrupts and makes him talk to her. So i'm basically just trying to take deep breaths and stay calm. After dinner, Cop is cleaning up the dishes and her and I are sitting at the table and he whispers in my ear for me to get this R&B mix CD (great sex music) that he can put on while she takes a bubble bath that he's going to run for her (I gave him the idea because he wanted to do something nice for her). So when he whispers that to me, you should've seen her face. She looked like he grabbed me and starting fucking me on the table. She was like "Okaaaaaaay! What the fuck was that about???" So I get up to get the cd, put it in his bathroom and go back to my room away from the fuckin antichrist. About an hour later he comes in, and gives me a high 5 for the bath idea, I said "Who's your bitch?" he said "You are!" and we both go to bed.

Ok, here's what I was thinking about last night that is still irritating me. I explained Marine in my first post. Well, we were together for a month, and it was fuckin amazing. He lives 8 hours away, so it was all over the phone, and we had planned a weekend for him to come up and spend with me. Over the phone we talked about everything! He told me I was the one, we talked about marriage, kids, he asked me my ring size, everything... lots of phone sex too ;) He even sent me a letter, with pictures, and his dog tag that he wore in the middle east! Which was a very big deal. So the weekend comes, he gets here on a Friday night and we agreed (I'm not sure why) to not have sex on the first night he was here. So we kissed a lot, did some fondling, but then decided sleep was probably a good idea. In the morning we wake up start kissing, more touching, have oral sex, then we get up to have breakfast. We had a great day together, it was so much fun! Then Saturday night comes around and Cop and his wife ask us to bbq and drink with them. We didn't know how to say no, so we agree. We start drinking a little too early, so we were buzzed before we ate. After we ate we started playing quarters. Well, little did I know, Cop thought it would be really funny to get me reeeeeeeeeeally drunk. I usually have a really high tolerance, but that night was different. The last shot I remember taking was my third, and I was told I took 11. So, after a while, I'm clearly on auto pilot and Cop pulls out the video camera and starts asking me if I would kiss his wife. Now, I've kissed a few girls before, no big deal. I'm straight as an arrow and very secure with my sexuality, so who cares. To me, kissing a girl is NO BIG DEAL. So, (keep in mind i don't remember any of this, I was told everything the next day) I said yeah, i'd kiss her. Then, still being video taped, he's telling me to hit on her, and asking me how and where i'd kiss her. Well, she's getting all embarrassed, and Marine is getting pissed, I don't know what the fuck is going on, and obviously Cop is the only one who thinks it's funny. So, nothing ever happened with it, no kiss, nothing. It was all talk. Later, Marine asks Cop's wife why nobody told him I'm a lesbian. HAHAHA!!! She was like um because she's not! She's drunk, go talk to her. Well, hello! I'm in no condition to talk, I think that's pretty clear by now. He comes in and tries to have a serious talk with me anyway. So, needless to say, I really don't remember what was said. I do remember talking about what happened between Cop and I in high school (probably not a good subject to talk about with Marine), and I remember him saying he should probably leave, and me crying. Other than that... i draw a total blank. So the next morning I wake up at like 8:00 like heyyyyy WTF??? Why isn't he here??? So I try to call him, no answer. I lay there for a while, then try again at 8:30, nothing. So I go wake up Cop and I was like dude... he fuckin left! He's like WHAAAAAAAAT??? I was like yeah, WTF HAPPENED LAST NIGHT??? So, he tells me the story and I'm so fuckin embarrassed. Like, OMG, I can't believe I did that. So Cop was like, "well it's my fault, you were getting drunk really fast and I thought it was funny, so I just kept making you take more and more shots." I was too upset about Marine leaving to be mad at Cop yet. So during that day I tried calling him numerous times and he wouldn't take my calls, I tried text messaging him, nothing. I figured he went to his parents house that live 2 hours away. So on top of my hangover, the fact that I'm not exactly clear on what happened, he left in the middle of the night after driving almost 10 hours to get here, and now he's ignoring me. i was a freakin WRECK! Not like a fender bender, but like a fuckin 50 car pile up. My heart was broken beyond belief. So Monday rolls around I get up, dont take a shower, no make up, didnt give a fuck... get to work and what's the first thing my boss asks??? How was your weekend with Marine? I just burst into tears, and she's like omg, honey, go home and get some rest. So I come home and try to call him again, and again, and again. Cop's wife is there so I apologize to her for what happened, and for making her uncomfortable. She said it was totally fine, that she was mad at Cop for making me take all those shots when everyone knew I shouldn't have. So she tries calling and text messaging Marine for me, and he wont take hers either. So then at like 3pm he sends me a text message that says "hey. you need to relax. you didn't do anything wrong. it's me, being with you just didn't feel right. i'll call you in a couple days." *poof* all my feelings of sadness, guilt, regret all turned to anger. I need to relax?!?!? What the fuck did you just say? Fuck you! You leave in the middle of the night, I have no idea what happened, then ignore me for 2 days and I need to relax? OH HELL NO! So I didn't reply, didnt call, nothing. I was just basically like fuck him. So the week passes and on Thursday night at like 11 he text messages me saying he can't talk, but he can text message. He said sorry for hurting me, that wasn't his intention, but that he just didn't feel the way he thought he would when he was with me and didn't know what to do. I told him he could've fuckin sat me down and talked me to me about it when we were sober. He said he was afraid of hurting me. I was like oh ok, so you leave in the middle of the night, when we're both drunk so I don't even know what happened, and then ignore me for 2 days, THAT wouldn't hurt me. You fuck! He asked if we could be friends and I was like yeah, sure. So the next day, I packed up all the shit he gave me and sent it to him, dog tag and all. I wrote a very nice note saying i was very honored to have these things, but didn't feel right keeping them because they are things he should have to give to a future girlfriend. And that was that, haven't heard from him since. This all happened 3 weeks ago, and I'm still irritated about it. I'm so over him, because that was such a bitch thing to do. He didn't have the fuckin balls to talk to me about what he was feeling, then leaves when i'm so drunk i don't know my own name, sends me a text message 2 days later, then another text message like 3 days after that. Sorry, but I need a man that has some fuckin balls and doesn't fuckin run and hide like a little bitch. Wow, surprisingly, I feel better after letting all that out. *sigh of relief*

Ok... time to get some work done.

Just a quick request to gum chewers out there... CHEW WITH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH CLOSED! Jesus! That's so fuckin obnoxious!

posted by EIizabeth @ 8:35 AM